Happy February 14th, I hate you!

Happy February 14th!

Roses are red,

Violets are blue

If you're not single today,

I hate you!

----------------------------------------

So I think I may have just convinced him not to go to prom with me.

Which, earlier in the week, was actually what I wanted to do. I don't remember why anymore.

I think that when I asked him, my state of mind was Oh Goodness I Really Like Him And It Could Be So Great And Romantic. I failed to remember the reality of the situation, which is Oh My Goodness, Stop Dreaming, You're Just A Friend.

So I've been trying to really shove this little realization deep in my brain where I could process it and understand it and stop liking him, with little success. And I guess, with this realization, came another one, going something like You Are Such An Idiot, What Were You Thinking?

And I was telling Smelley how much I regretted asking him, and she was all no, don't, you would have always wondered, and I was all but now that I know, I don't wanna know what I know, and I would rather just have not known anything and just sit all tortured in my little bubble of hope for the rest of my life.

But she is right, I suppose. I shouldn't regret it, it's really not the worst thing I could have done.

Maybe things are just supposed to happen and fall together the way they fall together. I'll be OK in the end, no matter what happens. Maybe the heavens will smile down on me and he will open his fucking eyes and come to the realization that I'm really hot and cool. Maybe he won't. Maybe he'll figure out I like him and we'll talk about it, and he'll tell me he just likes me as a friend, and I'll act totally cool and then shed a tear or 7 million and move on. Maybe and most likely, he won't come to any realization, because after all, he is a guy, and he'll continue to tell me things that make me float for days or have a nervous breakdown and write about it here every once in a while, until I get over him. And maybe he'll break my heart and have no clue, which is what he seems to be doing at the moment, slowly but surely. But I'll be fine. Everything will be OK in the end.

And if it's not OK, then it's not the end.

(2003-02-14 - 2:22 a.m.)