Wow, someone kill me. Seriously.

So I thought I would add an entry at this very moment so I can actually see the process of my defeat.

...

IMed him a few minutes ago. He asked me how I was and I went into a bit of detail. I threw the question back at him and he's answering me like he's half asleep. Maybe tonight isn't the best night to ask?

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Ask him if he's half asleep or is he upset about something. Waiting for an answer. Not sure if tonight is the best night as he might be grumpy and seems distant. However, large chance of spontaneous human combustion if askiing does not occur.

...

I hate him. hate him hate him hate him. Ready to punch hole in wall, or say "fuck you" and go to sleep. (still didn't ask).

...

butterflies in my stomach or saying "are you out of your fucking mind? just ask him!"

...

wow, I really need help.

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trying to wrap up current conversation to lead into a "I have something to ask you" type of deal. very nervous. wish it wasn't almost 5am so I could call the Smell-ster for some balls.

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Oh. my. god.

...

I asked.

...

Can't breathe.

...

ANSWER ME!

...

"when is it again?"

"april 12"

....

silence. I'm awaiting a "sorry, I happen to know that I'm busy 4 months in advance."

....

hmm. well.

"hmmm, I think I can" "but don't quote me on that yet" "hehehe, smelley find a date?"

(um, do you wanna go with HER?)

"I think shes going alone, though I want her to ask this guy she met"

"well i mean don't take this the wrong way from me...but if she's going alone wouldn't you wanna go with her?"

could have answered with a witty "oh but you'd look so much better in a tux", but Noooo.

"well we're all kinda rooting for her to ask that guy"

(ok, so I made that up)

(in attempt to avoid topic of me asking him) "she's a cute girl, i'm sure whoever it is will go"

(twisting the knife...)

"don't be all weirded out, i just thought it'd be fun"

"trust me I'm not weirded out"

(you would be if you knew I actually like you. ha. ha.)

"but like I said, dont quote me on it yet..we'll talk about it tomorrow ok?"

**

Wow, I SO knew he would not give me a straight out answer. Well I guess a "maybe, but now I'm really freaked out" is better than a "no".

Right?

(2003-02-01 - 4:15 a.m.)