Where are you hiding the amazing guys?, and an account of my crushes from 2-4th grade.

So what's with there being no more good guys left on the entire face of the earth, hm?

Is this it? Are they all taken or are there really no nice, funny, interesting guys left? Is nice, funny, and (g-d forbid) even interesting too much to ask? Are 3 good qualities not possibly within the realms of the universe? Should I settle for nice and boring? Mean and interesting? That doesn't sound too enticing, does it?

Do those great guys really not exist or am I just missing it? Am I also to blame? I've never actually liked a nice and interesting guy, have I? No, I don't think I have.

Ever since 1st grade, I've liked some weird boys.

First was Gabriel. I'm quoting from my old (paper) diary here.. "This was the badest day ever! I found out that Gabriel moved! I will have other loverboys [loverboys?! where the hell did I get that one from...?] but he is the best. I know he says bad words and he looks bad and he's crazy and he's not so smart, but still I'll be in love with Gabriel forever no matter what happens!!!"

Why, yes, I really was that stupid. I believe I was about 7 there. He smelled too, I remember? So I guess I go for the mean, crazy, smelly onces.

An entry from the same diary, 5 months later... "Now I hate Gabriel! I am in love with William *******! [I'm starring the last name just in case, by some freakish turn of fate, he just happens to stumble upon this diary, and realizes who am I, and then seeks me out across different states, to point and laugh]" Still not sure why I liked this guy. He used to chase me around the school playground and push me. Once he pushed me and I ripped my pretty white stockings and my knee bled. Asshole!

Anyway.

Then, 4th grade, I liked a boy named James. I distinctly remember James being mean to me, but for some reason, I decided to lie to my diary and pretend that he didn't actually make fun of me every day, mostly because I liked [read: loved insanely] school lunch. One time, he stole my power rangers lunch box (with my super cool power rangers thermos) and hid it at the end of the day. I was practically hysterical, I couldn't go home without my power rangers thermos! But anyway, for some reason I wrote about how nice and funny he was, and how he liked me.

..I actually lied in my diary a lot when I was little. I used to refer to myself using a middle name that I don't even have. I remember telling everyone my middle name was Katherine. Hmm.

I'm not sure what point I was gonna make, but it seems like I'm trying to say that I like smelly mean boys that don't like me.

So how glaringly obvious is it that I'm single?

(2002-09-10 - 6:17 p.m.)